When Care Left Me and I Left Custody

The day of my release was an amazing day and thinking back the feeling was better than any drug but not one I wanted to take or feel again. 

When I left Custody I had very limited options: my mom's or homelessness. I was a seventeen and a half year old vulnerable heading towards re-offending and failure. 

Social services withdrew from seeing me or looking after me. A feeling of abandonment prevailed as I wasn't ready to take the world of independence on. It was a lonely feeling and a genuine fear for my future. I didn't have options or opportunities when I first came out of the young offenders institution. 

I had to be resilient and determined not to re-offend and stay away from my old crowd of mates that were still offending and taking drugs. I didn't want to be part of the revolving door going in and out. I didn't want a life of crime, drugs and prison.

It was difficult to be living back with my mom where previously it had failed every time. As did this after two weeks. My thoughts and voice weren't listened too when I had said I didn't want to go back there exactly because of this reason.

Then to a hostel after a few days sleeping rough. My mental health was slipping. Dirty, no money or food. And no support! The loneliness got the better of me. I had had enough and wanted to end my life. Isolated and not seeing anyone. I missed my youth offending appointment. Thought I was going back to jail. Some of the darkest days.

I know how it feels to be lonely and isolated, when you feel the world is against you and there is no light. I'd stopped hanging round with my old crowd of friends because I didn't want to re-offend. I chose loneliness instead. I knew I could be with people but that was only going to make it worse. I felt trapped with no-one to turn too.

I took an overdose and was admitted to the Psychiatric hospital and medicated up to the eye-balls to the point I couldn't talk and felt all fight in me was gone. Hard for me to explain.

After two weeks I ran as I hated being on the medication. I had one visit from my youth worker. No family or friends visited. Did I give up? Or fight?

Then I went to Project Challenge which helped me more than words can say. I can't articulate what they did for me. And what I did for myself. The best experience of my life with some of the best views I've ever seen walking across the Alta Via 1.

I then met my son's mom where I stayed six years. On the day my son was born, one of my closest friends was left to die after being released from custody and taking heroin. That was possibly the hardest day of my life. Proud and happy my son was born then hours later to find out my friend/brother had died in tragic circumstances.

I always struggled in the relationship with my son's mom. I was distant. Not very close. I was always thinking and struggling with leaving all my friends behind and starting again. The loss of so many to drugs and suicide. So much of which could have been avoided with the right support, opportunity and funding. So many wasted lives.

I then left the relationship for the sake of my son. I could be a good dad still. It hurt so much to leave him because he was mine! I loved every bone of him. He was my world. I'm not going to lie I struggled being a parent when he was younger because I hadn't resolved my own problems and it affected me. His mom has a great family who all support each other. 

I then spent seven more weeks in a psychiatric ward as I had a breakdown. The most awful seven weeks. But again it was give up or fight?

I fought and started running and got back in to football. That helped me clear my head and make progress and start to give something back.

From there I have made great progress and give something back and help make a small difference to some young peoples' and professionals' lives. Using my negative experience to make theirs a better one.

If I had not found people to help and support me, I would still be struggling. We all need support from time to time and a lot of care leavers don't have these options.

If we support young care leavers now and give them options, opportunity and support we can save lives and cost to the future government purse.

It shouldn't be about money but the reality is that it is. Money first and children and young people second.

Wars seem to be more important to fund than our own young people who will become the future of our country.

Every Child Leaving Care Matters

Please support it!

Ben Ashcroft

Our Day Out

Ed Nixon, Acting Chair of ECLCM, writes:

Over 25 years ago Willy Russell wrote a great play (in my view) called ‘Our Day Out’. It had a resonance for me as I sat on the 0847 from Lime Street to London with three colleagues as we made our way to Euston to join the rest of us (non-scouser) members of the campaign. The play was about ‘deprived children’ from Liverpool who had a day out in Conway. Our day on 11th September was on behalf of ‘deprived’ care leavers – those deprived of the opportunity to stay put in their placements, should they so wish, until they are 21 years of age.

Thanks to Mr Craig Whittaker, MP ECLCM had been afforded the chance to have a high profile meeting in Portcullis House, Westminster. This turned out to be a diverse group of individuals and organisations who, it transpired, have a great deal of sympathy with our campaign’s single issue – that children leaving residential care should have the same option as their ‘peers’ in foster care – to remain cared for and supported until they are twenty-one years of age, an age when young men and women not ‘looked after’ frequently continue to look forward to several more years of being supported, supplemented and subsidised by their parents. 

Mr Whittaker reminded us that in political terms this is absolutely not a ‘vote winner’ but that it is ‘the right thing to do’. The main obstacle to including children leaving residential care into existing legislation is money – though just how much money is debatable when one considers the long term costs associated with a failed care system.

As may have been expected as the debate was opened, a whole range of issues surrounding the failures and short-comings of ‘the care system’ were voiced. Laudable though the suggestions were to challenge how, as a society, we care for our ‘looked after children’ no better now that forty years ago; as a campaign group, we had to focus on our single issue. It was great to hear Kathy Evans from Children England remind the meeting that though our petition may have only(!) have a little under 8000 signatories, through the motion carried by her organisation supporting this cause, we can reasonably claim a more realistic figure of 108,000.

We determined in the meeting to establish an ‘e-group’ to enhance and broaden our ability to share the message and garner support for the cause. We agreed that as the forthcoming general election draws near and candidates seek our votes we should ask those perhaps less socially aware (we would say) than Mr Whittaker and the likes of his colleague Mr Bill Esterson MP, where they stand on or even what they know about children in care. We asked all of those present and this seemed to be well received that they ‘proselytise’ the ECLCM message and promote the cause in order that we can go eventually away with the job done.

The sad message of ‘Our Day Out’ , in my view, is that those who were taken on a brief trip away from their deprived reality are reminded at the end of the day of their depressing situation and even bleaker future leading to the stark realisation that a day out is about as much as they can expect. We expect so very much more than those in Russell’s play. We expect and will not disappear until every child leaving care is given an equal opportunity to remain ‘staying put’ until they are twenty-one. Not in fact until Every Child Leaving Care Matters.

The notes of our day and our presentation will be circulated to members imminently. If you would like a copy just join us – it’s free!

ECLCM and the three stooges - a trip from nowhere to the Palace of Westminster.

The ‘Every Child Leaving Care Matters’ campaign group past, present and possibly future, are coming to Westminster on 11th September. We look forward to meeting with friends and supporters from all over the UK for the first time to share ideas aspirations and opinions. We are extremely grateful to Craig Whittaker, MP for making this possible and for agreeing to play a part on the day, and very excited about this opportunity to get together.

If we pause and reflect for a moment, it  may seem odd that we are so excited about this opportunity to further promote our cause, but how much more odd is it that we should even have to exist, let alone have approaching 8000 signatories encouraging us to persevere with our cause?

In many senses a group such as ours should not be required in the United Kingdom in 2014, given our raison d'être. Given this odd situation, it is perhaps appropriate once more before the meeting takes place to reiterate our position and the context in which we came about and remain intact and as passionate as ever some nine months later.

There are many admirable and dedicated individuals and organisations who exist to support care leavers and happily many will be represented at the Harold Wilson room next week. Given the vital work these good people do, and indeed the contributions of thousands of social workers, their  managers, residential staff, affiliated professionals, councillors, members of Parliament and corporate parents around the country who work to support children in and beyond a life in residential care, one may ask  what possible need there could be for a small, passionate (if occasionally frustrated and even rather angry) group of strangers to come together over the course of a few days in the lead up to Christmas? What vital aspect of life for children in residential care could have been missed, overlooked or simply ignored to cause such an unusual event to happen? Of course, that event was the way the government proposed to implement its commendable ‘Staying Put’ initiative. 

Given Society’s expressed commitment to equality and justice, we as a small group found it hard to believe that in this day and age a British government could introduce a policy that on the face of it openly discriminates against one group of vulnerable children leaving care based solely on where they are placed during their final year in care.  This policy appeared to us to differentiate between blameless children shamelessly. We waited for the public display of outrage, and for the social work and national press to crawl all over the issue. Nothing.  We waited for those people concerned with social work with children and families and the care of children to speak out and to tell the government that they must have made a dreadful mistake? There was virtual silence, and as a result, ECLCM was born.

Following the initial ECLCM campaign and the welcome support of some caring MPs, the issue of support for young people leaving care was reviewed by the Education Select Committee.  To their credit, the Education Select Committee, after careful deliberation and review of the evidence, agreed with ECLCM that all children leaving care should be supported equally to at least 21 years of age. We now await the government response to their recommendations. What will happen to their recommendations, whether they will be introduced into a programme in advance of the next election? Who knows.

Let’s remind ourselves about the issues. Let’s consider our ‘three stooges’.  Imagine three 17 year olds with similar needs, challenges and aspirations.  One lives at home with a caring family. He or she will receive the support of the family as they grow older. There are no ‘cut off’ points based on age. They know the family will be there for them practically and emotionally into adulthood, and indeed, for the rest of their lives. 

Let’s assume the other two 17 year olds are in care, but to all intents and purposes have identical backgrounds, needs, fears and hopes to the young person growing up amongst family. One of these is placed with foster parents and the other in a children’s home. Will they be treated differently? Well, it seems that under the current implementation of the ‘Staying Put’ initiative that is exactly what will happen.  The fostered 17 year old may now expect to stay in care to be looked after and supported as any seventeen year old might expect in their home until they are 21. The other 17 year old living in a children’s home must leave and fend for themselves.

We at ECLCM see this as unjust and discriminatory. We believe that ALL care leavers must be given options according to their needs, not based on their accommodation. To us, it is pure and simple - discrimination is wrong. That’s why we are coming to London because EVERY Child Leaving Care Matters.

My Story by Ian Dickson

I thought I’d share some thoughts on leaving care as the ECLCM campaign approaches its first members’ meeting. It is a personal view based on my own experiences as a care leaver and upon living and working alongside children and young people in care for over half a century.

When I was in care in the 1950’s-1960’s, it could be a very abusive environment. By that I refer to emotional and physical abuse, although I am aware that many kids also suffered sexual abuse as well. Certainly for boys, physical punishment was not unusual and for some like me was commonplace. This was not because the ‘system’ or decision makers were abusive or did not mean well – indeed the Chief Children’s Officer in my city was a care leaver himself, and the Children Act 1948 had been introduced to improve life for children in care. Children’s officers did their best working with the resources they had, which were not very much, and within a society and culture that had little sympathy for children in care. Some might argue that has not changed much.

There was little real preparation for adulthood, and when a young person reached 18, they were on their own. It is a testament to the resilience of young people growing up in care that so many did well and their experiences fed into the campaigns to improve the care system and after care of the later decades.

In my own case, I had my share of physical and emotional beatings in children’s homes, but found solace in school and this probably helped me avoid any drift into the criminal justice system. I was fostered at 12 years of age by an elderly couple, who were ‘left to get on with it’ with me. It is to their credit that they persevered with the challenges from what had become a pretty unpleasant adolescent until I was 18 years of age.

At 18, I was on my own. I left care with no support arrangements in place and absolutely no real preparation for what I would face. It was bad enough to struggle with not knowing what to do or how to do it, but the crushing sense of isolation, worthlessness, terror and anger made me struggle with even basic decisions or interactions with ‘normal’ people. Perhaps inevitably, I became homeless and unemployed.

I was lucky. Fate was good to me. An adult sister (also a product of the care system,) who I barely knew gave me a temporary ‘couch’ to stay on in her flat. Only now as an adult do I realise how kind that was. That couch gave me an address.

I walked the streets looking for work and found an employer who was prepared to take a chance with me. This man took an interest in me, praised me when I showed some promise at work, and sent me to night school to take educational qualifications.

When I was 17 I met a girl and we went out for a while. I contacted her again when I had left care and even though I was a ‘care kid from the wrong side of town’ she agreed to go out with me again. She became my wife. We were married for over 40 years until she was taken by cancer a couple of years ago. Her total belief in me and my ability and her unwavering support was the single most important reason I was able to achieve anything in my life.

The couch at my sister’s could only ever be temporary. I plucked up courage and visited the elderly foster parents I had given hell for six years. I asked them to let me live with them again, and incredibly, they agreed. I lived with them until I married at 21. In later years when I was a social worker and they were elderly and disabled, I was able to return some of their support.

Now I had a job with prospects and an improving education, somewhere to live, and most importantly, people who believed in me and loved me. The potential I had to achieve and the self-belief I needed to do so were able to develop safely, and my adult life began. A long happy married life, a loving family, university and a successful professional career followed.

Had my sister not offered me a couch to sleep on, had my employer not invested in me, had my girl not stood by my side, and had my foster parents not took a chance with me, I doubt I would have ever broken out of the vicious circle of disadvantage known intimately well by so many care leavers. I have little doubt that I would have become a ‘disadvantage statistic’.

That brings me back to the ECLCM meeting. All ECLCM are seeking is for all young people leaving care is to get what I got. To be allowed to stay on with their placement (wherever that is) until they are 21, to have the support of people who care and a start in life that other kids take for granted. With such I support, I was able to build a happy and successful life. Do we want anything less of every other care leaver?

Please support ECLCM and our campaign to gain equal support to at least 21 for all young people leaving care.

ECLCM is a campaign group, without funding or political affiliations with any other group, formed to stop Government discrimination against children in residential care who want support to 21, the same as those in foster care.

ECLCM Westminster Meeting

Every Child Leaving Care Matters (ECLCM) have organised a meeting at Westminster, 

Thursday, September 11th 1.00pm-3.00pm.

Places have to be booked in advance via the booking form here

Priority is given to care leavers and ECLCM Members - you can join ECLCM here

The agenda is below:

Agenda ECLCM Westminster

11^th September 2014

The Wilson Room

1300    Arrive

1305    Welcome and ECLCM presentation    Ed Nixon

1325    Craig Whittaker MP

1335    Who, Where, When and How? – finding common ground to achieve equality for  Residential Care Leavers - Open Debate

1430    A call for volunteers to offer practical support for the campaign

1440    A.O.B.

1450    The ECLCM Proposal (Circulated in advance with invites)

1455    Closing Remarks

1500    Finish

Westminster and beyond!

This blog is designed to bring members, signatories to the ECLCM petition and any other interested parties up to speed about developments in the campaign without being restricted to 140 characters!

Many of those who we hope will read this will, by now be aware that we have the opportunity to hold a relatively ‘public meeting’ in The Wilson Room at Westminster on 11th September.

Whilst we have – as far as is possible on Twitter and other social media - thanked Craig Whittaker M.P. for his generosity in making this possible this blog presents us with the opportunity to do so more formally. Mr Whittaker has followed and (in an apolitical  sense) supported the campaign for some considerable period now and all of those associated with our cause want to place on record our gratitude to him.

The opportunity to hold this meeting is a very welcome one and within the limitations within which we work we want to use the opportunity to the best advantage of care leavers and their needs particularly in relation to ‘staying put’.

We can invite up to 50 people on the day and we’re working on how to best sort this out as happily demand is high. Please bear with us – the lack of anything but our own spare time to organise really does hold us back sometimes but we are doing the best we can to make this an inclusive event.

Our thinking is that we would like as many of our immediate cluster of campaigners to be there as possible. We have also received massive support from some individuals and organisations over the last eight months who would like to attend and we want to accommodate as many of them as possible, partly because of what they have and can continue to do to promote the campaign to a wider audience. We are absolutely committed to having some care leavers or ‘near care leavers’ there. After all they or those they represent are what this campaign is all about. We would also like to include some ‘ordinary’ members -those people who are no less important than ‘high profile’ or well known organisations but who are the ‘grass roots’ of this campaign.

If you have been doing mental arithmetic over course of reading this paragraph then you will understand our challenge. We have given ourselves until early next week to determine how many of ‘our group’ can get there and at the same time we are allocating ‘invites’ to an agreed list of those representing organisations (many of whom are Members of the Campaign, too). There is a problem in inviting care leavers as we have no funds and we can’t expect that young people to be able to fund themselves but we will find a way. Having identified how these various groups can be accommodated we will then know how many ‘ordinary’ members we can invite and the fairest way will be to do this on a first come first served basis – we will publish details on social media hopefully by the end of next week of how  we will organise this.

We will also produce another blog – and provide links on Twitter and Facebook – nearer the date of the meeting in which we will publish the proposed Agenda for the meeting and details of how those coming can physically gain access to it. Please pass this information onto anyone you feel may be interested – the wider our network the sooner we will succeed in this campaign for justice for residential care leavers.

Thank you

What a week!

This has been in very many senses a tumultuous week for ECLCM.

Only seven days ago we were delighted with the report of the All Party Select Education Committee recognising as it did that children leaving residential care were/are every bit as worthy of the support that ‘Staying Put’ as their peers leaving foster care. The additional recently publicised proposals that the placement of young people in care in unregulated and all too frequently awful Bed and Breakfast accommodation suggests that a considerable number of our elected representatives really do care about children in care.

Perhaps rather perversely, in some people’s eyes, we have also launched a ‘membership scheme’ for ECLCM. I feel certain that many people may have asked “Why?” It’s essentially because we recognised that our campaign varied and comparatively successful as it has been is rather one dimensional in terms of it’s public ‘cutting edge’. Membership also tends to suggest longevity and whilst all those who support the principles of our campaign would be delighted to find that our raison d'être was made redundant by a speedy change in legislation we appreciate that this is not likely. I hope and trust that we are wrong but our assessment is that despite the magnificent work of the Select Committee it seems extremely unlikely that our legislature will find the time to consider placing their recommendations before Parliament and putting it to a vote before the next General Election. So then, ECLCM needs to ensure that it is still around to work alongside many colleagues and other like-minded organisations between now and then. Thus far we have been very pleasantly surprised and gratified and the take up of membership and indeed the many offers of help that new members have made to us. Our biggest challenge as a group of people all of whom have day jobs is in trying to create an infrastructure that can coordinate all these generous offers. Please bare with us on that one.

This task has been rendered a little more challenging by the departure of Ian Dickson from the Campaign Core Group. Ian was a self-confessed grease monkey who laboured behind the scenes in ‘the engine room’ on behalf of the campaign – as indeed he still will in support of the common cause that brought our original group together. He will be missed. But that is the nature of ECLCM. Supporters, members and even opponents would perhaps welcome some clarification. ECLCM is not a group of people it is a Campaign. From our first days in December 2013 we have welcomed many supporters and some of those at the centre of organising things have left. This is another reason for opening membership. There is no-one who is currently actively involved in ECLCM who is not replaceable – we are entirely unimportant, merely for the time being the custodians of lead responsibility of driving forward our contribution to changing the current unjust treatment of residential care leavers. The current incumbents will give what they can while they can knowing that from within our membership there will be and are others to take up the cause as and when any one of us, for whatever, reason has to move on or step aside.

It’s Every Child Leaving Care (that) Matters not those doing their best to work on their behalf.

We as currently constituted or perhaps an entirely different leadership group will be continuing our work over the next nine months and if we haven’t succeeded by the we will be knocking on the door of the new occupants of the government benches in May next year.